I gave birth to Louie at 31 weeks’ gestation on 6 August 2016 after a spontaneous labour. It all happened very quickly and was very traumatic, but he arrived into the world weighing 4lb (1.8kg) and stayed in the neonatal unit at Leicester Royal Infirmary and Leicester General Hospital for a total of nine long stressful weeks. He finally came home on 5 October 2016.

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In March, I welcomed my second baby boy into the world. He was born a day before the pandemic was declared and 90 days before he was due. That isn't a typo – he was born 90 days early, at 27 weeks’ gestational age. Having your baby prematurely at any time is difficult, but during a global pandemic has made it unbearable.

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As I prepared to be discharged from hospital with my tiny 30 weeker, I kept getting told by the staff to avoid supermarkets. I was completely baffled – were supermarkets really such an awful breeding ground for germs?! I solemnly promised the consultant that I wouldn’t go near supermarkets until Luca’s due date.

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‘Nope. Thanks very much, but I’m alright’. That’s what I said when I was offered a couple more counselling sessions after discharge.  What I was thinking was, ‘Are you kidding?! No way. My 24 weeker is coming home after only 12 weeks in hospital. I’m happy. Everything is perfect. I don’t need this. I don’t need another appointment to go to. I just want to be at home with my baby.’

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When you get pregnant loneliness and overwhelming guilt aren’t emotions that you think you are going to feel. You are filled with dreams and hopes and expectations just like anyone else – you feel part of a community. But when you have a premature baby loneliness and guilt are just some of the many emotions that you feel. 

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