Father’s Day 2025: Our journey with River
My partner Jen had woken up the week before River was born at 25 weeks, bleeding heavily. From that point on, it seems like I've got a trauma block - only remembering little snippets when I think back.
We were told the ambulance would be over an hour, so we managed to get into a taxi and get to the hospital. Jen was shuttled from room to room – then eventually taken to the antenatal ward for monitoring. Four days into her hospital stay, she awoke to her waters breaking. Later that day we had a scan to check how River was coping, and the sonographer told us there was no visible water surrounding him. They didn’t know if her waters would refill or not so she was placed back on monitoring.
Silent hope
Later that day a lovely doctor from NICU visited to speak to Jen and myself and to ask if we would like a tour of the NICU ward. At this point we hadn't been told she would labour early: we both silently thought she would, but did not dare openly say it. Jen politely declined, hoping against hope that the waters would refill and she would go a little longer.
Shortly after, Jen was told she would need needles into her thighs to help the baby's lungs if he did come early. It was agony to see my partner in such pain. As a partner, you want to take the pain away but I couldn’t.
In the coming hours, Jen appeared to be in labour but she was of the mind that if she didn't acknowledge it, it wasn’t happening. I knew she was labouring, as this is our third child together, but she didn't want to accept it – maybe this was a self-protection mechanism.
The madness began
A few hours later, with a grimace of pain on Jen’s face, I told the ward sister I thought she was in labour and asked for someone to check her urgently so the ward could pre-warn the NICU emergency team. A sonographer came round, scanned her and notified us that River was engaged. Then the madness began: within minutes, the amazing NICU emergency team were throwing open the curtains and running around with all the necessary equipment and procedures to give our little one the best chance. River was born around eight minutes later on 30 November 2023,15 weeks early, weighing 1lb 5oz (595g) and beautiful!
He was so strong from the outset, breathing by himself at birth before being put on CPAP, and we even managed a quick photo.
Roundabout of routine
From this moment on, our life became a roundabout of home, work and NICU. We started the day sorting out our other two children and Jen expressed before going early to the hospital. I met her there after I’d finished work and then we went home together and would call nightly for any updates and to check on our little boy,
River had a long list of complications, including:
• Two Grade 2 bleeds on the brain, which self resolved
• Suspected NEC which he was fortunately treated for without invasive procedures
• E coli colonised his ears, eyes, mouth and nose
• Two blood transfusions
• Covid
• Tongue tie release surgery
• Inguinal (groin) hernia surgery
Deep trauma
“It was an amazing, beautiful, scary, haunting, traumatic time but with a beautiful outcome”
Thankfully we had a fantastic outcome, with the help of all the angels on earth within the NHS and the dogged determination from Jen to express lots of milk to help our boy grow healthy and strong. But the trauma runs deep. It's somewhat akin, I feel, to a type of PTSD (Post Traumative Stress Disorder). We are part of a very exclusive club – the Micro Preemie club – a club no one asks or wishes to be in. It was an amazing, beautiful, scary, haunting traumatic time but with a beautiful outcome.
Happy & healthy
In total, River was in hospital for 100 days (70 in NICU and 30 in SCBU). He is now 18 months (15 + 3 corrected) and he's thriving!
Last Father’s Day, our tiny warrior who overcame the odds was safely at home with us and our other boys. I’m not ashamed to say that sometimes Jen catches me dancing around the living room with tears in my eyes as my mind cycles through the ‘what ifs’. I hold each of my children more tightly than before and am so thankful for them all being healthy. This Father’s Day, I’ll just be very happy to be surrounded by my happy, crazy family.
With thanks to Anthony for sharing River’s story.