Two strong daughters
While every pregnancy and birth journey is unique, I experienced some similarities within my motherhood journey. Despite their prematurity, I have been blessed with two strong daughters – Melissa and Zoe.
Melissa
My ‘low-risk’ pregnancy with my first daughter, Melissa, was relatively smooth, aside from her being a little small during scans. Yet in December 2019, in that awkward period between Christmas and New Year, I suffered with PPROM (Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes) and Melissa was born early at 35 weeks’ gestation, with New Years fireworks going off in the background.
Being a late preterm baby, her NICU stay was short and progressive, with her main concerns being around feeding and her bowel function.
Due to complications with her bowel, Melissa had an operation at 5 months old and remained on the lower centiles for her growth. As the years passed by, Melissa needed less and less medication and is currently, at the age of six, only on one medication for her bowel function. She continues to be under a paediatrician to monitor her low weight and manage how it impacts her day-to-day life.
Playing and learning
Melissa is a social butterfly, who loves learning to play the keyboard, playing with her dollies and writing stories. Her teachers at Shakespeare Primary School recognised her strengths and delightful characteristics and supported our family by undertaking the Prem Aware Award. This has helped them develop person-centred approaches to her eating and has supported their knowledge and understanding of how her low weight impacts upon her energy levels- helping her to flourish and reach her potential.
“Melissa’s teachers at Shakespeare Primary School supported our family by undertaking the Prem Aware Award. This has helped them develop person-centred approaches to her eating and is helping her to flourish and reach her potential.”
Zoe
When Melissa was five years old, I fell pregnant with our daughter, Zoe, following a series of miscarriages. My partner, Kris and I were thrilled, but knew we were not in for an easy ride. Melissa was excited, but it was after our gender scan that things took a complicated turn. Zoe’s pregnancy was classed as high risk; I was put on progesterone from the get-go and monitored frequently. At 15 weeks’, Dr Karl McPhereson, a man I am forever grateful for, found a blood clot, which could cause my cervix to dilate – it was a waiting game.
By 18 weeks’, my cervix had funnelled, and Dr McPhereson surgically placed an emergency cerclage. My cervix was tied shut and our little girl could not escape!
Every Friday, I would enter the next week of pregnancy, and I would search online forums for information about babies born at that gestation. At 21, 22, 23 weeks’… what were her chances of survival? If she did survive, what would her quality of life be like? Would she have disabilities? Each week her chances grew, yet we were still stuck in limbo.
Dramatic entrance
At 30 weeks’, I went into labour, and the stitch was removed quickly, to avoid damaging my anatomy. Once it was removed and I was dosed up with steroids and magnesium (an experience that was like being submerged in larva), the contractions settled and thankfully, Zoe stayed safely inside.
Zoe went on to make her dramatic entrance into the world at 34 weeks’, after a haemorrhage in the living room, in a back-to-back position and face first. It took staff 23 minutes to resuscitate her, but that was only the start of our precious daughter’s journey.
We had done well, reaching 34 weeks’, considering the complexities of the pregnancy. All my extensive research led me to the conclusion that Zoe would need about two weeks in the NICU – that seemed to be the norm. In my naivety, I hadn’t considered how every baby is unique, with different highs and lows. Zoe spent four weeks in Blackpool Victoria Hospital’s neonatal unit, and we had a turbulent journey with breathing and feeding. After I’d spent nine days on the unit, it was time to go home to Kris and Melissa, who was missing her mummy dreadfully.
Drowning in mum-guilt
One daughter in the NICU and one daughter at home – my heart was torn into two and whatever decision I made, regardless of its pros and cons, I was drowning in mum-guilt. I had the fantastic support of my partner, but leaving Zoe in the NICU felt like I’d left a part of me, of my body, of my soul, 10 miles away. It remains to be the most unnatural feeling I have ever experienced, but perhaps it has made us more prepared for what is likely to come soon.
We are due our final baby, a boy, and with a diagnosis of an incompetent cervix, a cerclage in place and Dr McPhereson on hand, we are hopeful that our son will be born happily and healthily, despite the strong likelihood of him being premature.
Thanks to Alicia for sharing Melissa’s and Zoe’s stories.