When your employer has a heart
For 80 days, my heart lived somewhere else. My miracle boy Elijah was born at 29 weeks weighing just 1lb 3oz (0.53kg), tiny but mighty in every way that mattered.
As someone who plans meticulously, when scans began to show that Elijah was measuring small, I started preparing for a different kind of pregnancy and a different kind of motherhood. I work for the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea (RBKC) as the Nursery Provision Operational Lead and Early Years and Inclusion Advisor.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I read through the maternity policies, briefly skimming the section on premature birth, never imagining how significant those words would soon become. That small section of policy would go on to play a vital role in supporting my wellbeing, giving me the time and space to be the mum I had always envisioned.
Emergency birth
“That small section of policy would go on to play a vital role in supporting my wellbeing, giving me the time and space to be the mum I had always envisioned.”
From around 24 weeks I started weekly growth scans with the hope of getting to 34 weeks. At my 29-week scan Elijah needed to be delivered the following day or he wasn't going to survive. I was still working at the time and my line manager, honestly, is the most empathetic, understanding person you could ask for. He had already been so supportive and made sure I had nothing to worry about workwise.
Elijah’s NICU stay was not uneventful and at one point I almost lost him. This, of course, all had a significant impact on me.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice." Bob Marley.
No one prepares you for how heavy the unknown feels. I cannot imagine having the additional stress of worrying about maternity leave and pay on top of this. RBKC's policy follows The Smallest Things Employer with Heart charter on premature births. This meant my maternity leave was extended with full pay for the time between his birth and due date. I then moved onto RBKC’s enhanced maternity pay, which again not every employer offers.
Celebrating first milestones
As a NICU mum you celebrate the firsts you wouldn’t imagine. The first time your child hits 1kg in weight, the first time they can manage their temperature to wear clothes and move from an incubator to an open cot. Every milestone premmie babies reach is a reminder that things happen on their timeline.
Knowing that he would potentially come home close to his due date meant that I could have those planned 12 months plus annual leave. Being able to follow through with those plans gave me a sense of normality during such an uncertain time. It also meant he started nursery closer to 16 months, which eased some of my anxieties about him being so small and more vulnerable to illness.
During my maternity leave, I was able to simply be his mum, to enjoy the moments I had longed for. I didn’t feel robbed of that time. My workplace continued to support me, offering flexibility with KIT days, and I returned gradually, once he had settled into nursery. Thanks to flexible working, I also have a dedicated day each week with him, which I truly value.
Support and understanding
Of course, being a premature baby comes with its own challenges; illness, hospital readmissions, and operations. But through it all, I have never felt unsupported. My team and line manager have continued to show understanding and flexibility in ways that have made all the difference.
I often wonder how different this experience might have been if I worked for an employer who didn’t understand the lasting impact of having a premature baby not just in the moment, but in the years that follow. In an ideal world, all employers would adopt policies that recognise both the immediate and long-term realities of premature birth.
Because leaving the NICU doesn’t mean the journey is over. For parents like us, it becomes a complex mix of love, grief, and gratitude every single day. You walk away forever changed, carrying invisible scars that never fully fade.
Thanks to Tania for sharing Elijah’s story.