I was an ill-prepared and frightened father. My wife and I were thrown into the parent pool at the neonatal deep end. Nothing prepares you for that.

When my wife’s waters broke at 32 weeks and a day, it wasn’t exactly in the plan – and not much of the 12 months since has been in the ‘plan’ either. But, you know, where would we be if everything stuck to a plan? 

It all began earlier than we ever expected. Our little one wasn’t due until July, but 23 May 2024 had other plans. I woke to Michelle’s scream — panicked, raw — “I’m bleeding!”. My heart stopped.

It was a normal Tuesday at home in August 2024. My wife Taz hadn't been feeling well and was suffering from cold-like symptoms. At this point, she was just shy of 31 weeks’ pregnant with our third child. 

When you work in healthcare, you develop a certain vocabulary for uncertainty. You learn how to hold space for anxious parents, to explain complex conditions in calm tones, and to measure your words with care. But nothing – nothing – prepares you for the moment your own child is born prematurely.

‘Something’s coming!’ This was the phrase uttered by my wife as we sat in the delivery room at 24 weeks and 6 days of gestation. And yes, something, or rather someone, was coming... far too early.

My partner Jen had woken up the week before River was born at 25 weeks, bleeding heavily. From that point on, it seems like I've got a trauma block – only remembering little snippets when I think back.

Our 116-day NICU journey started on 20 April 2023 when, due to infection and my partner’s waters breaking, we were told our baby needed to be delivered by emergency c-section at just 25+1 weeks. I can still tangibly sense the fear and concern I felt for both my unborn baby

Life changed on 5 October 2015. My wife Sally was 25 weeks’ pregnant with twins and we’d just been having a normal weekend with our three-year-old daughter, Isabelle. 

On 27 February 2021, our second daughter, Rosie, was born by emergency c-section at 24 weeks and one day, weighing 1lb 5oz (595g).

I’ve never shared much about my experience as a dad of a premature baby, but 10 years on from our son Samuel being born too early, it feels time to do so.

We will always remember Monday 5 October 2015. On the night of 4 October it had got too much, so we went to Russell Hall Hospital to be checked. Then all of a sudden my wife Sal's waters broke. We started to panic when they said we needed to be transferred to a hospital with specialist care, as Sal was only 25 weeks gone.

In 2018, my wife Jenny and I were expecting our second child, due in January of 2019 and we were extremely excited to welcome a new addition into our loving family. We had a big sister-to-be who was also excitedly waiting. Our daughter Leah was born in 2014. She had a fairly traumatic arrival as she was an undiagnosed breech. Everything happened very quickly and we hardly had time to digest it. Leah was healthy and happy so we began the journey of parenthood without much thought to what had happened.

I was already a dad to 3 and a 4-time grandfather, but none of that prepared me for what was about to come: I had spent the pregnancy trying to be the calming influence to my wife of 5 years as this was her first time. All had gone pretty well and the pregnancy had been fairly textbook until events took some twists and turns. I won’t expand on that, as that’s another story in itself, but on one Friday night in June 2015 everything went very pear-shaped.

It all started on a Monday morning when myself and my wife Janine woke up for work at 5am. Janine’s face was all swollen up. We called her mum who is an ex nurse and got her out of bed to check her over. I was told to go to work and they would let me know what was happening.

Having your first baby is scary, and that’s when you think everything will go to plan. To say I was a nervous expectant parent would be an understatement. I’d never held a new-born (without it being placed in my lap), never mind changed a nappy or give a bottle. Special precautions were taken like the purchase of a snuggle bundle so I could be confident picking up my baby whilst providing the right head support… all this when I thought I’d be getting a regular sized baby (in fact, we thought they’d be larger than average on account of my height).